...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
did you just send me my own nude
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
