My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
