that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I will pee on everything he values.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
