We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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