so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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