You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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