I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
