So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
