i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
