farters have to be the big spoon...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
