so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
