You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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