no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
