I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
