You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
