I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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