I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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