Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
