You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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