its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
