So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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