I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
