Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Bring me that man meat
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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