I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
