so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
