ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
this beer tastes like vomit already
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This is the high leading the old right now
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
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