Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
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