Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
