Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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