soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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