the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
this will be a night to untag.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
