he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
