her vagine was all disorganized.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Randomize
