DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
