Yo dont text me then not text me
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
