it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
