I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
