Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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