I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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