I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
