Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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