i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
