had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
