what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
