..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
