Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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