Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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