I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I wish i was in the wii world.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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