Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think I won the penis lottery.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
