my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
