i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
